Vincent the Stalker
by Kyphrin
Summary: So, Vincent is really a closet pervert and uses his Turk skills to stalk girls in his free time. I'll go ahead and put the disclaimer here DISCLAMER: I don't own FF7, any of the spin offs, any of the characters, etc. RATED M FOR LANGUAGE...
1. Chapter 1: Sephy, why IS Zack gay? O,o

Vincent sat on one of the rooftops of Kalm, stoic and deep in thought, or appearing to be anyway. In truth he was using his Turk skills in one of his favorite pastimes, watching girls. 'I wonder why she never buttons the bottom buttons of her dress… Not that I'll complain about seeing her legs.' He heard footsteps of someone behind him attempting to be stealthy and knew immediately who it was. "What do you need, Yuffie?"

The short ninja pouted, sitting down next to him. "Stalking girls again Vinnie?"

The ex-Turk groaned internally at the nickname she had given him a while ago. "I don't know what you're referring to, I'm just up here thinking in what was used to be peace."

Yuffie stuck her tongue out at him, knowing better, and looked around. "So which girl is it today…?" She quickly spotted a girl in a pink dress with long, brown hair, out picking flowers for her flower shop. "Oooooooo, her again, this is the fifth time this week you've stalked her, you should go ask her out." She said energetically, poking Vincent.

He raised an eyebrow at Yuffie, feigning confusion. "We just both happened to be in the same area, I never stalked her."

Yuffie smirked, knowing she had him on the defensive. "Oh really? How come you're always going into her shop and buying flowers then?"

"Isn't it Reno's day to get annoyed by you?" He replied, turning and giving her one of his glares.

Yuffie simply grinned at the glare, having been on the receiving end of them too often for them to have any effect anymore. "Nope, he's working today."

"So he can fund your materia obsession?" He asked dryly. "I don't understand how he can put up with spending that much Gil on it."

It was her turn to glare at him. "I'm not obsessed with materia, I just enjoy collecting and studying them." Then she stuck her tongue out at him. "Anyway, its better than being an obsessed stalker."

"It's far more expensive than stalking." Vincent replied with a half smirk.

Yuffie was taken aback for a moment. "Wait, did you just admit to doing it?"

"Doing what?" A voice called out below them, causing Yuffie to jump and Vincent to get annoyed at himself for not hearing the footsteps.

"Nothing Aeris, she's rambling about pointless things like she normally does." Vincent replied before Yuffie had a chance to keep talking, and he hopped down off the roof, landing next to the Ancient. "How is the flower gathering going?"

She smiled brightly at Vincent. "It's going good, would be better if I had some help but no one seems interested in working at the flower shop. Sephiroth's there but he has to watch the store so he can't help gather."

Vincent was about to reply when Yuffie jumped down and landed on his shoulders, covering up his mouth to keep him quiet while she started talking excitedly. "You should get Vinnie to help you, all he does is wander around town all day and he's in your shop enough to know what to do." He glared up at her while she grinned down at Aeris.

"That's up to Vincent, but if he wanted to help out he'd be more than welcome." She smiled at Vincent as he finally managed to get Yuffie off of him.

"Yeah, so what'll it be Vinnie? You gonna get a job or are you gonna make a pretty girl like her do all the work on her own?" Yuffie added, smirking at him knowingly.

His eyes flicked between the two girls, feeling trapped, and gave the only real option that was available in the situation, while cursing the ninja girl in his mind. "Very well, I'll do what I can to assist you at the shop."

Yuffie grinned victoriously and Aeris hugged him, causing him to blush very slightly. "Thank you so much Vincent, I really could use the help."

"So when do I start?" Vincent asked, disengaging himself from the hug. "And does this job pay?"

"Well we can start tomorrow and as far as payment… how about I agree to go on one date with you?"

"A date?" Vincent responded dumbly, at a loss for words.

"Yes, a DATE, haven't you ever gone on one?" Aeris smiled, laughing a little.

"Of course, I am 47." Vincent replied, sounding slightly annoyed and embarrassed.

Yuffie decided to speak up. "Yeah, but you were asleep for 20 of those years so you're more like 27."

Aeris nodded. "Alright, it's settled. Meet me tomorrow morning at the store and we'll get started." She then turned and started walking back toward Kalm, leaving a confused Vincent and a giggling Yuffie.

* * *

Out in Edge a black haired swordsman was getting ready for his latest mission, a flower delivery. "C'mon Cloud, have dinner with me when I get back from the delivery." He pleaded.

Cloud shook his head, "For the twelfth time, no. Now hurry up or you're going to be late for the delivery again."

Zack pouted but did as he was told, grabbing the bouquet and hopping on his motorcycle. "Alright… and I'm not going to be at work tomorrow, I got a meeting to go to."

Cloud nodded, not looking up from his paperwork. "Alright, Tifa can handle the office tomorrow."

Noticing Cloud's lack of attention, Zack snuck up next to him and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you Cloud."

Cloud immediately jumped up and away, wiping off his cheek, blushing. "What the hell?! I'm with Tifa, now go do your delivery." He pointed at the door while backing away from Zack.

Zack sighed, and headed towards the door. "You'll come around eventually…" and with that, he left for his delivery.

Cloud picked up his PHS and dialed a number, waiting for an answer. Once he heard someone about to respond, he cut her off. "He did it again."

Tifa on the other end sighed. "Cloud, the bar's kinda busy right now, so I don't have time to comfort you, again. Just smack him on the head and tell him to knock it off, works for me when guys get to frisky."

"Ok…" Cloud sounded disappointed, but then he spoke up again normally. "You're having Yuffie watch the bar tomorrow still so you can help out here, right?

"Yep, don't worry, I didn't forget." Tifa spoke quickly. "I got to go, some guy's trying to start a bar fight again…"

Cloud heard the phone hang up and decided to finish up the paper work so he could make tomorrow's deliveries before it got too late. He decided he wanted to take the day off with her tomorrow, and thought she might enjoy the surprise.

* * *

Sephiroth stood behind the counter of the flower shop, arranging a bouquet that was supposed to be picked up in an hour. He heard the chime on the door sound, and turned to see who walked in. He sighed when he saw the red head, thinking, 'What in Jenova's name did I do to deserve this? I already know what she'll want to talk about…'

The aforementioned red head walked up to the counter in her nice black suit and leaned against it looking at Sephiroth with an annoyed expression. "Sephy, why is Zack gay?"

Sephiroth groaned at the nickname, looking down at the ground. "He's not gay, Cissnie. He's in love with himself, and Cloud is essentially a duplicate of him. And please stop calling me by that name."

She rolled her eyes, "Ok, why doesn't he like girls? We used to get along so well, but now all he wants to talk about is the… 'things'… he wants to do to Cloud."

He shrugged, going back to work on the bouquet. "I don't know, why don't you ask him that?"

She scowled, "I tried, he keeps changing the subject and avoiding the question though."

"It's not like you got anything to worry about, Cloud is proposing to Tifa tomorrow anyway, not much Zack can do after that."

She laughed, thinking about it, "Not unless Zack plans on doing something to stop it." She thought for a minute. "He wouldn't…. would he?"

Sephiroth shrugged again, "I don't think Cloud told him the store was going to be closed tomorrow, so Zack thinks he'll be safely at work. If you wanted to be extra careful and help though, you could try seducing him."

She blushed at that, "Seducing him? Would that work? He hasn't seem that receptive to my appearance for a while now…"

Sephiroth smirked at that, "Yeah, because a plain black suit is something that's meant to catch a guys attention."

Cissnie glared at him, she thought she looked good in her Turk uniform. "And what would you suggest I wear?"

He glanced over his shoulder, looking her over, "I suggest, you wear something more suggestive. You'd look good dressed up."

She raised an eyebrow, smirking, "Oh, Sephy finds me attractive?"

Sephiroth rolled his eyes, ignoring the nickname. "You're not ugly, but you're not my type."

She shrugged, moving towards the door. "Oh well, thanks for the advice, see ya, Sephy."

He gave a quick wave towards the door without turning around, intent on working on the bouquet.


	2. Chapter 2: The Discovery Channel

It was a stereotypical morning for the red haired beast, sprinting through the canyons after his breakfast, a boar. "It's useless to continue running, you know," He spoke to the creature in a calm and intellectual voice, "This is all part of the circle of life. You eat the grass and return it's life force to the planet, then I chase you and eat you, returning your life force to the planet, and then I die of old age eventually, returning to the planet as well. It's all a matter of time, so if you relent now I promise to make this as quick as possible." He knew the creature couldn't understand him, but enjoyed explaining things nonetheless.

Finally the boar made the critical error he had been waiting for, it stumbled over a stone jutting out of the ground a little bit, that blended into the desert floor almost perfectly. Red XIII lunged at the creature immediately, taking full advantage of the boar's clumsiness. His claws tore into it, quickly putting an end to the boar's life, before he began to eat his morning meal.

After the meal was finished he began his normal routine, scouting the area around Cosmo Canyon for any hostile creatures. His eyes glowed with the mako light as he defeated monster after monster for about 3 hours straight. "Praise Hojo! I've done Jenova's work, returning the life force of these creatures to the planet!" He praised himself as he trotted back to his hometown.

As he entered the city, the guards thanked him again for his help in protecting the village, to which he nodded in response. He immediately headed to the tavern, having recently taking a liking to the alcohol that they served.

The bartender smiled as he saw the beast. "Hello Nanaki, would you like your usual drink this afternoon?"

He nodded, stretching out on a carpet the owner had set up when he began coming regularly, "Yes, please, I feel very thirsty after returning all those beasts to the planet."

The man started to work, mixing up his drink very quickly, "Sound like it's been a very productive day for you so far, Guardian."

Red shook his mane, "I've told you before, just call me Red or Nanaki. I don't like titles, and yes, it has been a productive day, 47 beasts will no longer roam so close to our canyon."

He gave an apologetic smile, finishing the drink and pouring it in a bowl. He walked around the bar and set it in front of the big cat, who began to lap it up immediately. "We are always grateful for the work you do, Nanaki."

"I am only doing my duty." Nanaki stated, continuing to focus on his drink, the glow coming back to his eyes.

* * *

Vincent strode down the streets of Kalm with a calm look on his face. Inside though, his mind was racing. 'Where is she going to want to go on a date? I haven't been on one since before the Wutai war, I've got no idea what the trends are nowadays…' He turned down a street, the flower shop coming in site down the road. He heard a pair of footsteps falling in line behind him, attempting to mimic his stride and hide the sound of walking. Unfortunately he was wearing his metal boots, she was not. "Yes, Yuffie?"

She scowled at him, "How'd you know I was here?"

He smirked, enjoying annoying her for once, "By paying attention to details, bet that concept sounds foreign to you though…"

She placed a hand on her chest, giving an over dramatic hurt expression, "Oh Vinnie, how can you be so mean to such a delicate and innocent flower as me?"

He scoffed, giving her an unbelieving stare. "Innocent?"

She glared at his disbelief. "Yes. I am a sweet, innocent, Wutian princess. Got that?"

He just rolled his eyes, continuing to his new place of employment. He decided to get some input on his current dilemma, "Where should I take Aeris out to on our date?"

"Hmm…" She looked thoughtful, putting her hand on her chin as she looked down. "A lot of people go to Gold Saucer on dates."

He sighed, shaking his head. "Where is a good place that I wont feel the urge to let Galian Beast run amuck?"

She shrugged. "The beach isn't too far from here, and it's summer so it'd be a fitting place." She suggested, and then a moment later smirked, "Then you'd get to see Aeris in a bikini…"

His eyes widened at the thought, having not seen a woman so unclothed in many, many years. He stopped in his tracks, starting to daydream of what it would like to take Aeris to the beach.

Yuffie stopped and watched him with a smirk, knowing what he was thinking about. She snapped her fingers in front of his face a few times. "Hey Vinnie, wake up!" He blinked and looked at her questioningly. "It's not polite to undress her with your mind you know, you pervert." She smirked devilishly, sticking her tongue out at him. "Wonder what she'd say if I told her what you were thinking about…"

He glared at her. "And what proof do you have that I was thinking about anything of that sort?"

She grinned, poking his cheek. "You're blushing."

He scowled, trying to fight down the heat in his cheeks. "I'm… just embarrassed about the prospect of her seeing me in swimwear."

She rolled her eyes, "Suuuuure…"

He gave her a look, "Whatever, I've got to get to the shop and make sure I'm not late…" He sighed, deciding to be polite, "Thank you for your advice on where to take her, Yuffie, it's a good idea." The beach idea certainly had its upsides, not the least of which was the long legs of the flower girl.

She grinned, feeling a little embarrassed by his praise. "No problem, Vinnie! Let me know how it goes!" She looked down at her PHS, checking the time. "I gotta go and meet up with Reno, he just got paid yesterday and he's taking me to the new materia shop in Junon!"

"That poor, poor soul…" He spoke solemnly, shaking his head. "May the planet have mercy on him and his wallet."

She stuck her tongue out at him, walking off, "Meanie!" She shouted at him, before grinning again and running off.

He continued on his walk to work, and soon found himself standing at the flower shop door.

* * *

Cid was working on his airship, The Highwind, when he heard his PHS start to go off. The sudden noise caused him to jump and bang his head on a metal plate. "Goddamn, fucking, piece of shit!" He yelled out, sliding out from the space he was in working on the wiring. He reached down, grabbing his PHS and a cigarette. He flipped the PHS open and pushed the talk button, lighting the cigarette in his mouth. He raised the PHS, and shouted into it in aggravation. "Who the fuck is this?!"

"Yo, man, is that how you always answer your phone?" A gruff voice spoke from the receiver.

"It's how I fucking answer it when I bang my goddamn head on my goddamn plane." He rubbed the bump that was forming on his head. "What d'ya want anyway, Barret?"

Barret grunted on the other line, seeming amused by the man's bad luck. "I need a ride to Edge, it's Marlene's birthday in a few days, and she's coming back to Corel after the party at Tifa's bar."

"What am I, a fucking taxi?" Cid scoffed, annoyed.

"It's Avalanche's reunion, after the kids are sleepin' there's gonna be free drinks." Barret spoke gruffly, trying to put the old pilot in a better mood.

"Eh… I guess I'll do it." The captain couldn't turn down a free drink when offered, and even though he didn't act it, he was always willing to help out his old friends. "I'll be there tomorrow morning at 10am. If you're late though, I'm leaving your fucking ass in Corel and drinking by myself!"

The big man snorted. "Yeah, yeah, I ain't gonna be late." He went quiet for a moment and then remembered the other reason he called. "Oh, we gotta pick up Red in Cosmo Canyon too."

"Better be some damn good liquor for all this work I gotta do for it." He scoffed, agreeing to pick them both up. "See ya tomorrow Barret, remember, don't be late, I'm not waiting on your ass." With that he hung up, smiling at the idea of seeing his old friends.

He headed off the ship and went inside, shouting at the top of his lungs. "SHERA!"

He heard the sound of footsteps coming from the other room and a tall brunette stepped into the kitchen, holding their little girl, Sydney, in her arms. "What is it Captain?"

He smiled, looking at his little girl, his normally harsh face softening. "We're going to Kalm tomorrow, just gotta pick up Barret and Red. Guess Cloud and Tifa are hosting a reunion."

"That sounds like it will be fun." She said with a smile, "It's been a while since we've seen everyone."

Cid walked over, taking his daughter and holding face close to his, grinning, "And how's my little Co-Pilot today?" Sydney giggled at his voice and started playing with the goggles on the top of his head.

Shera smiled, watching the two of them, "She's doing good, I was just getting ready to feed her."

Cid cradled the little girl in one of his arms and went over to the fridge and pulled the bottle out. "I'll take care of it, you go take a break. The runt can deal with me for a little bit." Sydney grabbed the bottle greedily, pulling it to her mouth and drinking, while Cid held it.

Shera sighed, and walked over to Cid, kissing him on his cheek. "Thank you, Cid, a break sounds great."

Cid blushed at the affection, "Yeah, yeah…" After he finished feeding Sydney, they went about their normal evening routine and packed up clothes and other necessities for their trip tomorrow.


End file.
